31 days of living free: a demanding heart

"Created in me a clean heart, O Lord and renew a steafast spirit within me." via 31 Days of Living Free: Rooted Love for Women Who Dream

“MINE. NOW!” he demanded, a chubby finger emphatically pointing toward a cupboard. “MINE. NOOOOOW!” He bellowed.

I scooped him up, but when I tried to cuddle him, he threw his head back.

He wanted something I wasn’t giving him.

I don’t know if you’ve ever spent any amount of seconds with a toddler before, but man. They’re a whole lot of cute and stinky all at once.

At 18-months-old, he has a limited view on the world. He knows what he wants and he hustles after it, one determined but slightly wobbly step at a time. His voice is little, but he tries to make his wants and needs heard.

The whiny chorus of “MINE. NOW!” continued on repeat. I opened the cupboard door, where he made his request known. Because of course he would want a box of old, half-used instant mashed potatoes.

I offered him fruit snacks in a box in the cupboard next to the taters, and he flipped his lid. While I knew those little flakes were gross and that yummy fruit snacks were waiting for him, he couldn’t see past his own demands. He wanted what he wanted, even if what he wanted was gross. When I didn’t give him what he was demanding, oh how the tears started flowing down his chubby cheeks. He was angry and frustrated and sad.

How often are we like this with God? We have our hearts set on something that seems so good, so wonderful, and we’re angry when God doesn’t show up — when he doesn’t scoop instant mashed potatoes onto our plate.

Sometimes I get confused. I start trying to build my kingdom instead of focusing on His. I start getting into this zone of “What I want seems good, so why aren’t you giving it to me?”

Have you ever felt that way?

Let’s be real. Sometimes it’s really stinkin’ hard to trust that God has something better in store. We’re in the trenches with life or at home or at work or at church and it just doesn’t seem like He sees us. We’re shouting for cupboards to open from down below but nothing comes.

I want to start this series of 31 Days of Living Free with a week focused on our hearts. Can we really be women who boldly walk paths of righteousness and pursue our God-given talents and gifts when we’re focused on our own shabby requests?

Right now, let’s reset our hearts. Let’s acknowledge that sometimes, we don’t see the shining beauty God has in store for us because we’re too focused on our demands.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. [Psalm 51:10]

He gives more than we can even imagine. And I say that not in a prosperity gospel way, but in a He-is-so-good-and-He-loves-us-intimately kind of way.

Don’t get fixated on mashed potatoes. There is so much more waiting.

31 Days of Living Free: Rooted Love for Women Who Dream | Many Sparrows Blog

This is the first of 31 daily posts of living free. Living freely is something we do momentarily, but to fully live free? That’s a transformation — a total change not only in what we’re like, but in who we are. You can find all the 31 Days of Living Free posts here

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6 thoughts on “31 days of living free: a demanding heart

  1. Oh, girl – yes. And then sometimes the things we want are genuinely good things, and he says no… And we may never know why until Heaven. Thanks for this today.

    Nice to “meet” you through 31 Days 🙂 My first time doing this challenge, so… building my writing muscles 🙂 Have a great month!

    1. Hi, Lauren! It’s so true…we may never know why. Thank you for stopping by + saying hi. I love your idea of Ordinary Awesome. Sending a big fist-bump your way! 🙂

  2. Kayla, what you wrote sounds very much like my life experience I briefly mentioned…It may have been lost in my mess of delivery and your weekend fatigue…but I’m thinking you remember what I’m referring to. I never went on into how I quickly ‘grabbed control back’ when we got back together and how this loss of surrendered living made some later experiences less than they could otherwise have been. (That’s a difficult sentence, hope it made sense!)

    Right now I have great understanding, peace, and support about recent events…and I think I just need to wait. Isaiah 55, I Corinthians…Psalms. God is calling me to wait, and I’ve recently read some articles talking about honoring God in the waiting so that he ‘returns’ to find a servant who multiplied talents and made proper use of time.

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