My Sunday morning was spent nestled under a blanket, watching Curious George and playing with trains. On Friday, Joseph developed a sudden cough. We are always cautious because of his sickle cell, and when he had a rough night, we took him into the doctor the next day. He was diagnosed with pneumonia. He is doing really well and I think we caught it early, but right now his little body needs to rest.
So, I’ve been thinking about rest. (I’ve written about it before here.)
Whenever Joseph gets sick, my heart has a hard time resting. I struggle with worry and what-if’s and worse-case scenarios. I plead with God and sometimes, I’m angry with him. Mostly, though, I’m just sad. I stay up at night rubbing Joseph’s back, running things through my mind. There is never enough rest for a worried mommy.
I wonder what it would look like if I could be free from my worry. I think there may be an answer nestled in Psalm 62: hope.
Yes, my soul. Find rest in God. My hope comes from him.
In the midst of my darkest fears nestled deep in the recesses of my heart, could I find hope? And from that, could I find rest? The book of Romans is a book full of hope.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Hope sounds so great in the abstract, but when we really need it, it’s so elusive. It’s a nice idea, but it’s not real. Not logical.
But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?
Maybe our broken hearts guard themselves from hope because hope opens us up to the possibility of hurt. To hope is to relinquish control and place faith in a mystery we can’t understand. To hope is to believe that even in the broken, there is beauty.
To find hope is to find rest is to find freedom.
This part of 31 daily posts of living free. Living freely is something we do momentarily, but to fully live free? That’s a transformation — a total change not only in what we’re like, but in who we are. You can find all the 31 Days of Living Free posts here.